I don’t know about you but I don’t function well in a messy home.
Mess to me means I can’t do anything else until it’s cleaned. Mess to me means I can’t relax. Mess to me means I can’t do all my other work. Mess to me means I can’t invite people over. Mess to me means I sometimes can become really frustrated and I feel like I am going to lose my mind. AND SOMETIMES I do lose my mind. I become really snappy. My voice rises. I allow my frustrations to take over and I act in ways that I later regret. Maybe this is intense to some of you but this is true for me. I allow a messy house to take over my emotions and my family gets the worse end of the stick. (Do I believe a clean home is best for us all, I sure do.) When frustration rises within me peace becomes nonexistent in my home. Peace is replaced with walking on egg shells. Tears are usually shed. My family becomes frustrated with me and well you get the picture… it’s ugly.
The mess occurs from 5 people whom live life in our home. The cup isn’t put away, clothes are thrown on the floor, shoes are left by the couch, toys are strung throughout the bedrooms, the beds are unmade, dishes are in the sink although the dishwasher is empty, toothpaste is left from the night before, and the list goes on. Each person chooses to leave a mess but not with the intention to frustrate anyone but once too many things are not taken care of it suddenly it feels like our entire home just exploded and I LOSE MY MIND. Not every time but often enough that I have to put myself in timeout. Yup, Mom’s need a timeout chair.
Today I sat in mine. I thought about the mess and though it was all cleaned after losing my shit… I ultimately didn’t feel great. Did I want a clean home so I can breath (also don’t forget our entire store still sits in my home so that isn’t helping at all), I sure did. But the way I went about getting what I wanted left me feeling pretty crappy. I caused tears that weren’t needed. I caused frustration that wasn’t needed. I stole peace away from our home and left everyone feeling like they failed and I was broken over it.
I began to think about the little hearts that I am called to love, lead and protect. I am called to teach my girls and my son. Do my kids know how to clean, they sure do. I have taught them since they were little. Do they know where things go? They sure do! Yet, there the mess was, just sitting there and I lost my mind. “Why do I have to ask over and over and over and over for you to put things away?” “Do you not care that our house is a mess?”. These were some of the statements that came out of my mouth. (Yeah I know, I was WRONG!)
As I walked through our home making everything about me and what I wanted and then intern making everyone else feel like crap I suddenly stopped and sat down. I closed my eyes for minute and then starred out the window. “What in the world am I doing right now? It is just mess!”. I then took deep breaths, I looked around, the house was clean yet now I had to go repent to my family for being a total asshole. Getting what I wanted (although we all enjoy a clean home) didn’t make me feel good. I wish I was calm. I wish I had GRACE. I wish I remembered that I had my own pile of mess that contributed to the entire mess. I was being a total hypocrite. I wish I prayed for peace sooner then I did. I wish I didn’t make it all about me and my want. I wish I wish I wish.
The grace that I wish I had extended was extended to me when I took the time to tell my family I was wrong and I was really sorry. My husband told me he loved me and my kids received my apology and we all went on with our day.
Can anyone relate to me or do you all think I am crazy? hahaha