Life is filled with so many different seasons. Some seasons it feels like I can conquer the world and everything in it seems so beautiful. Those seasons are immersed in all things good. It feels like you're living the dream. Those seasons are beautiful and it's so easy to be thankful. It's easy not to be jealous. It's easy to rejoice with those who rejoice. It's easy to wake up excited for the day. I love the seasons. I love feeling like life is really good. Who doesn't?
Life also brings seasons that seem like you can't breath. Sometimes hope seems to be unreachable. Sometimes life just seems too heavy to bare. Dreams seem like they have been crushed. Jealousy sets in. Rejoicing with others in their hope and success becomes really hard. Feeling shitty about yourself becomes really real. Life seems to be caving in on you and there is no door to run out of the darkness. These seasons are heavy, dark, hard and you just want them to end.
These seasons present you with choices. A choice to look really hard for what is good. The choice to be happy for others as they pursue their dreams. A choice to trust that Jesus has good at the end of the tunnel. A choice to be thankful for what is before you. A choice to laugh though life feels heavy. A choice to keep pursuing dreams even though it feels like they aren't panning out to be anything. A choice to stay strong by embracing Jesus, the people around you and also talking about what life is throwing your way and knowing its okay to talk! Yes, it's okay to be honest with the people you live life with! We need community!
It's been almost year since Matt began seeing a doctor. After multiple doctor appointments and well over a 100 tests, we still don't know what is wrong. Not only are we facing health issues and so much unknown, we are confused by the fact I am not booking weddings. Normally I am fully booked and in almost 10 years of photographing weddings I am the least booked so far this year. It's so confusing. It's so hard to see people fully booked and not me. Selfish I know. Again I am working on rejoicing with them.. most days I do but some days jealousy takes over. Not booking has caused me to step back and reevaluate what I am doing and what I want to be doing. I have other ideas and dreams and maybe I just need to jump into pursuing them. Not that I won't photograph or hope to still photograph weddings, but maybe I need to jump into other things that I think about often and see what happens! Maybe new is a good thing!
So what are some of my ideas... well this blogging gig is something that has been captivating me. I love the idea of sharing what I love. I love the idea of using this platform to build community. I would love to see great things happen through this blog. I also dream about having an airbnb. I love hosting people in my own home and so to create another space that hosts people would be so enjoyable. I would love to make it a place people want to come experience and that they would feel inspired to pursue their own dreams. I of course would like to continue to photograph love but I also would love to photograph for clothing companies, brands and other creatives! Working alongside Matt would be a dream! He and I make a great team and I feel together we can do amazing things!
I was talking to a friend and he and I are in a similar position. Both rethinking. Both wondering why after doing something for so long why isn't any work coming in. Both deciding on how to take the risk of trying new and being willing to see where that can take us! Pouring our all into it and doing the "it" really well to see if that NEW thing becomes REAL!
So all that to say, seasons come and go. Some are good, some are mixed, some are hard and others are simple. No matter the seasons I have learned I always want to grow. I always want to learn to love better. I always want to strive to do each season well.
I also am learning seasons causes us to think. Hard ones cause us to step back and really decide what matters and what we want in this life. For me, I want to be willing to allow life to change completely if that is best and trust that GOOD is ahead for us. I believe that dreams can come true when we step back and look at our circumstances. A willingness to try new, change things, and pursue dreams wholeheartedly! I also continue to learn that trusting Jesus is what brings hope!!
I am so thankful for all of you so far who have embraced this blog and I would love if you would comment sharing topics you would like me to talk about.
The images here are showing a few of my favorite pieces for the summer. These vintage Levi's are some of my favorite jeans. I found them in LA last year and I am on the hunt for more! This top is the perfect yellow and the detailing is beautiful. Shop Deon designs some of the most beautiful clothing! My sandals are so comfortable! Expect to see them a lot over the summer months!